SlumDog Topper

We love good news stories. We all do. Something like winning Oscars, medals in Olympics and even water kits for cars. Such news always give boast to our flaccid national spirit. Oh Sorry did i mention medals in Oscars. Medals or not but good news stories are always nice which are rare and far in between on our national papers and electronic media later of which is busy with Sheela and Munni more than anything. Such is the incompetency of our media that they are unable to convince its critics of the importance of its focus. Although critics may focus on them in their own time.

'Good news', rare and far in between, is focus of our today's discussion. Muhammed Mohsin Ali, a capable boy stood first in the 2012 Board exams of the University of the Punjab Lahore. He was a 'tandoor wala'. Some one who we have always seen making 'Sada Roti and Khameri', by the way do try their Roghni that one is surely the best. This news has proved a 'Good News'  by all standards. A feel good story after 'No Medals' in Olympics, Oopssss. All non-tandoor wala students shown a real good sportsman spirit by accepting it as a news that will boast up the spirit of younger generation and may inspire them stating 'Mehnat kar k koi bhi Awal aa sakta hai, yahan tak k aik Tandoor wala bhi'.
See it did worked for all of us.

Anyways I wanted to highlight few highlights of the events other then it proving 'Truck ki Batti' for many of us. It felt like a fairy tale story of 21st century where a tandoor wala can over shadow rest others with branded laptops and mobiles, none of them is actually related to education of a student by the way. However, his parents, no matter how lucky they consider themselves are successful in showing how naive they are by being happy about this 'Slum Dog fairy tale', a story we watched in every other film in 60's and 70's with famous dialogue 'Maa main ne B.A pass kar liya hai Maa' that later followed by a BeyRozgari episode. Alongside rest of us proved to be even more naive by stating 'Hamary mulk main talent ki kami nahi' and trust me on this we have a real talent of over looking details. Even Uncle Shahbaz Sharif, [Lap dance  correction applies] Laptop fame, hit a Political Sixer on full toss ball. Mohsin Ali's rest of educational expenses will be paid by Punjab Government as poor kid is unable to pay for masters. However, uncle forgot to clarify two thing. Who will give him Job after Masters on government expenses as Uncle may not like to give him a reference letter a.k.a Safarish and Goverment may not be able to sponsor his job a.k.a easy load. Other thing he forgot to mention was if you are not lucky enough to be highlighted as slumDog Topper by Sheela effected media who will pay for your masters as No Full Toss No Sixer.  

Ba Jamat Astaghfaar !

Ramazan is a sacred month for 1.5 billion human beings on this planet earth. By a mare insignificant glance on '1.5 Billion' can highlight the significance of '1.5 Billion' human bodies. Yes Ramazan is a vehicle to 'Jannat' Arabic word for 'Bahisht' that is Persian of English word Heaven. However, in the nation of 180 million [official version] and unofficially a little more than 190 million Pakistanis with 95% Muslims most intriguing fact is the horsetrading of many television anchors. Although this reminds me of trading football players undergo before Premium league. Still it won't make a difference as all the concerned parties achieve their required goals let it be money or good deeds or Astaghfaar.

Although this Ramazan transmission are about to leave Pakistani Television sets with out leaving any big mark at all, few basic questions that are still unanswered. So today I decided I would highlight those Important questions to ease up the tension between SC and PPPP Government supported by A and A i.e Asma and Aitzaz.

1) Amir Sahab k Geo join karnay se kya koi Nazak Surat e haal paida hoi aur kya is martaba Cut to cut edit se bachao aihtamam o Intazam ho chuka hai?
2) Kya Miss Malik ne poora ramzan kii aap sab k sath ........... Astaghfaar, aur kya Shabbir ne yeh bhi deekha ... woh bhi sirf Hero Tv Per !
3) Why Maya Khan was unable to conduct Iftaar show in local garden of a residential area in Karachi? Was it a technical issue or just company policy?

I know these are very deep questions and really need lots of insight to answer and honestly I don't intend to ask 'Awam' to answer any of these as they are busy with Ramazan transmission itself. However, there is one question and that is Baap of all mysteries and won't be resolved until the end of Ramazan itself. Yes I am saying it, that question is the driving force behind it all and soon by the of Ramazan we will get the answer. But I am identifying it just now.

"In teeno main se film ghalib ka hero banay ga kaun" ?

'Chai ka Dhabba'

'Aik cup chai milay gi bhai ...', He was asking the same question over and over again. Intensity in his voice was showing an upward trend. I was a little puzzled why tea in such a hot weather. Sizzling summers, not so tea friendly environment and some one is asking for cup of tea, Just a cup of tea. He was very aggressive and threatened me by waving his 'Rampuri'. At this point I woke up with a scream.

It was most certainly a very strange dream that made me stating " Yeh kya majra hai bhaeeee . . .", however, only if I consider the base realities of the dry dream and put things in a little context. When the dream started I could only look at the beautiful sky with some beautiful kites flying in it. It was a bright sunny day and the scene was relaxing. It was not until I started looking at the rest of the details that I realized something was not just right in there. I could see a barren ground with cracks running across its length and width. In one corner I could see a long of some queue of really fashionable people in their best branded clothes and shoes. They were standing and waiting, not for entering into a club or restaurant but in front of 'Chai ka Dhabba' with their 'Baltis, Patelas and Dols' so that they may be able to take some with it for the evening and the next day morning drinks. This Dhabba was installed by some government organization. As I could see this was a queue of lots of rich people and keeping their status in view government arranged few 'chatri bardar' to keep a shadow on all the privileged ones. However, next to it was another filthy queue of few 'lower class awam' with no shadows and any turn to get tea from Dhabba. Probably this was the annoying and irritating factor that caused Baba G to take his Rampuri out.

I was extremely surprised to see such a scene and was trying to figure out the location. It took some time before I could see a banner with amazing text on it that explained me the location. However, I would have not believed it without looking at the Faisal mosque some where in the background. Yes I was standing in Islamabad which was utterly unbelievable. The whole scene broke my heart but then I saw something that gave me a little ray of hope. I saw a big banner and a man standing next to it. Every time some one screamed out of frustration, this one guy pointed out towards the banner placed by government. The banner stated

" HAKOMAT ki janib se Pakistani awam ko jamhoriyat k bach janay per bohat bohat Dilli Mubarik-Baad, Ab Aap aram se jamhori hakomat ki chatur chaoon talay zindagi guzar saktay hain. Aap k muntakhib numaindoo ka pehla kar-nama. ISLAMABAD k bheechon bheech 'Chai ka Dhabba' . . Jamhoriyat ko bachaty bachatay hum loog dams banana bhool gaye, Lehaza awam se iltamas hai k Apni pyaas bujhanay k liye Paani ya Hakomat ka khoon istamal karnay ki bajaye ... Chai ka Istamal kya jaye.

Manjanib
Aap ka Muntakhib
Wazir e Azam."      


P.S: Did u hear someone once said, Democracy is the best Drink.

Conspiracy Theory © Nukt@ Shah 2012

'The Tom and Jerry Show '

No matter where are u based in civilized world, or may be in a little less civilized world, every one knows 'Tom and Jerry'. Two characters, incomplete without one another. It is literally impossible to imagine one without other, very much like a shirt and a trouser. As kids we all loved it and somehow we lose interest in this animated program as we grow up. However, a recent report of 'Research Institute of Non-Human behavior of Human beings' depicts different results. 

The research states a very interesting fact. No matter which ever part of this civilized world we consider, adults citizens of each country, secretly, tend to enjoy 'Tom and Jerry show'. These 'Tom and Jerry' episodes are created keeping the cultural needs of that specific country. The only difference between the original version and the remake is the intensity. Both Tom and Jerry tend to hit back but with much more intensity and passion that it becomes more like a reality T.v show rather an animated act. Such are the cultural changes from one country to another that these programs can be a political talk show in Pakistan to a live transmission of War in U.S.A (2004). The cultural references in such reality Tv Shows usually are very relevant to current times. Strange references like crazy looking Mullahs as enemy and source of evil in the world to ownership of corruption as civil right and official duty are considered as normal. The writers and creators of such Tv Shows keep coming up with incredible and innovative ideas like hunger strike of a specific individual followed by red taped procedure of documentation that causes no change in real life of people in the largest democratic country in the world. However, still such programme are in the favor of general public as if nothing else these programs create jobs, advertisements and keep the economic cycle going. Hence we can safely state such reality shows help generating good profit to relevant organizations and individuals and must be allowed to carry on as common person is most irrelevant to the existing world's system and has no intentions to change the course of the world set and controlled by rest of 2%.  

This is indeed a good report and for some it may summarizes it all. For me, however, it does not say it all. The is a deep sense of 'Altaf Bhai Syndrome' a.k.a 'Perday main rehny do', hard to deduct but not impossible to find out. As it is always about 'The Others', hence safe enough to say, the others has deliberately hide a fact in this report. It is true when the others say the majority of human population tends to watch it from a distance, views it as a source of infotainment and believes themselves not to be part of 'The Tom and Jerry Show'. However, there is nothing in this view but lies. No matter how much they deny common people are part of 'The Tom and Jerry Show', with one additional fact. Jerry gets away with all of cheese and is never hit back by Tom in this game of deceptive reality with a strange fact that Tom is unaware of him being part of the Show. 

Conspiracy Theory © Nukt@ Shah 2012

    

Awkward moment when . . .

Awkward moment, yes the moments when one do not exactly know how to act, react or even how to absorb these moments. These moments can only be described by giving them a visual representation or even by letting some one experience them. We have plenty of them around, floating in the air and hanging in the space, bigger and obvious enough just to be in our face so that we feel the burn. Few famous examples are like Veena Malik with ISI tattoo, Maira Khan with her team checking Nikah Namas, Indo-Pak Media reporting in Shoaib-Sania's Wedding ( Really o.O) , Musharraf stating 'Rocket wahan se hit karay ga jahan se ... and a very famous one is Zardari saying "aap ki nazar main . . ."

I am a habitual reader. I almost read any thing and every thing. Wall chalking, bill boards and even take-away flyers and God-knows what else. Pushed by my habit usually i end up reading comment section under any article, video on youtube and even images shared on facebook. It was undoubtedly an extreme awkward moment seeing Indians and Pakistaniz fighting in comments section of a Video on a talk show on Youtube under the title "Role of Media in facilitating Peace process between India-Pakistan' I was like guys n gals Really o.O !

Conspiracy Theory © Nukt@ Shah 2012

Film Ghalib aur us ka Hero

'Maula Jutt' is undoubtedly most successful film in the history of Pakistan. It captivated the nation for a little more than two decades and as critics say it beautifully represented the situation of Pakistan for  many years until film 'Ghalib' took the nation by storm at the start of 21st century.  For last 11 years it has been running successfully in the theaters, on television and even on all the social media platforms. Many top guns of Pakistani political scene claim since the departure of Z.A.Bhutto Pakistani Politics is either pro-Bhutto or anti-Bhutto. It is true with only a little problem that cries to be fixed. How many 'Bhuttos', genuine or fake, do actually exist after all ' ... har ghar se Bhutto niklay ga'. Like wise Pakistani media scene, social or commercial, over last one decade is either Pro-Ghalib or Anti-Ghalib. 

A hero, by definition, is a character that develops through the story. Post modern world is certainly a strange world where at times story becomes the hero, as an entity, that develops the most with self-claimed important and unusual incidents. Film 'Ghalib' is no different to the other post-modern phenomenon. It main character changes over time, more like Indian Soap-Operas where a character dies and returns with a last minute entry when his beloved wife/girl friend is about to marry 'The Bad Boy'. Similarly, the world witnessed swift disappearance of the leading character of the film 'Ghalib'. So Sudden and out of the blue was the disappearance that even Dr.Amir Liaqat had to ask 'Film Ghalib ka hero deekha hai aap ne' ? Though the way leading actor played the leading role, one can sum it up in this one poetic verse 'Woh baat saray fasany main jis ka zikar nahi'. We never saw him for so many years and yet he was always around. 

In many respects 'Ghalib' is very similar to Soap-Operas on Star-plus, a horror/Comedy/romantic/adventure and all other possible genres together in one act to cater needs of all those watching.  Since the last sudden departure of Lead-Character, people were missing a lead cast. However, seems like recently some one else has been chosen and selected for performing the main act. Or at least has been offered, urged and sought after, even a bounty of $ 10 M has been announced for the person who can answer this one Million dollar question ' Film Ghalib ka Hero dekha hai Aap ne'.  

Conspiracy Theory © Nukt@ Shah 2012

5 Feel-Good factors about Pakistan !

Where you From' ... Arghhh Hmmmm Aaa ... 'Punjab', 'Dubai' ... and God Knows what else would one get as reply upon asking a lot of Overseas Pakistani Community if not every single individual. Is it identity crisis or some sort of dysmorphic disorder. Usually first generation Pakistanis come across those situations where news back home causes embarrassment on regular intervals. Whereas second generation is concerned, many times they simply refuse to accept work 'Pakistani' next to their identity. They were born this way hats off to Parent generation. As this is not a case for each and every individual, Overseas Pakistanis living in 'Wild-West' and in 'the States' are not the only community that goes through such emotions. More or less individuals from every community that can claim developing countries as their homeland go through such emotionally rough patch. However, since Pakistan has been 'darling of Western media' for quiet a while and western media being extremely fortunate as the fertile land of Pakistan, along with her agricultural produce, yields home grown terrorists regularly (although it is a curious case of America's national and international interest but we will discuss it some other day). Hence, Pakistanis being under magnifying glass internationally feel a little uncomfortable with paparazzi and prefer to be identified as X,Y,Z. There are various reasons for disassociating oneself from Pakistan. At the same time there are several reasons for associating oneself with Pakistan and enjoy proud moments for this beautiful yet under rated piece of Land and her people. We only going to consider 5 of them.

1) Only Nuclear Islamic State [Correction Applies]

   1)  History: 

             Pakistanis are not 64 years and few months old. May be it is a young country, however, as a piece of land, people and culture we are thousands of years old. If not competing with Egyptian Civilization then not a lot younger than it. Although many experts do compare it with Egyptian Civilization in age. Indeed i am pointing towards Indus valley Civilization mainly based on Northern parts of Sub-Continent i.e Current Pakistan and some parts of Present day India.

            When an individual of Pakistani Diaspora denies his / her relationship with Pakistan, it is a clear denial of this great human historical aspect. Part reason is ignorance of ruling elite in Pakistan which has resulted in failed effort to glorify the historical aspects of Pakistan. It could be a major contributor of a Billion-Dollars tourism Industry in Pakistan, only if Mullahs state that Tourism is not Harram. But other part is sheer ignorance of individuals about world's history.

             Another very important point I wanted to remind is historical route that Alexander the great followed as he entered in Sub-Continent. It also lies in present day Pakistan. The Kailash tribes in Chitral Valley, Pakistan are remains of Alexander's army. Interestingly not many countries and nations in this world can give such a colorful account of their history.

[ For more detailed insight in this topic writer encourages for further reading on these topics and states to the best of his knowledge that such readings are not 'Haram' ]

 

2) Culture: 

             The term culture here refers to a large set of traits, habits, features and landmarks. It refers to musical genius of Tanseen to Junoon, it refers to Taj-Mahal and other Mughal land marks, it refers Urdu a language reflecting beauty and expressions from Arabic, Persian, Sanskrit, Punjabi, Turche (Turkish) and God knows how many more langauages, it refers to a large number of regional languages, it refers to brave MahRaja Ranjit Singh's horse in Lahore fort, it refers to Data Gunj Buksh, Guru Nanuk and  Khawaja Moeen uddin Chisti Ajmeri, it refers to writings of Karishan Chundar and Ishfaq Ahmed, it refers to Love stories of Sassi-Pannu, Heer-Ranjha and Saleem-Anarkali, It refers to Theatrical tradition as Nautanki (No no, come on guys ... definitely not refering to Nargis and Deedar for love of my life . . .), it refers to Galib and Dard, it refers to Sri-Paye, Balochi Sajji and Haiderabadi Biryani, it most certainly refers to our life style in villages and lassi, sakunjaveen and desi-daru. By the way, please do not forget Truck Art in Pakistan.

              The culture of Pakistan is a beautiful amalgamation of so many different cultures. The culture of Sub-continent that we share with India and Bangladesh and it changes across the stretches of this huge piece of land. On top of this culture, there are traces of Persian, Turkish, Central Asian, Afghani and Arab culture in Pakistani culture. Pakistan is cultural link between Middle East and South Asia. It is a culture that would make any one proud, only if one knows.

[ Cultural study can be done in Look-Virsa musuem Islamabad, Pakistan. Please do not forget to buy discounted tickets specified for 'Pakistanis' ] 

3) Geography:

           The geography of Pakistan is diverse, beautiful, and worth traveling. Certainly it is very cheap for Pakistani Diaspora to visit Pakistan using their Euro, Pounds and Dollars. Balochistan is known as Switzerland of Asia. One can enjoy Safari in Cholistan, Bahawalpur. We have the point where three high mountain ranges meet (Himalayas, Karakorams and Hindu-kush). It is the point where Gilgit River joins the Indus River. One can travel from Karachi to Chitral, trust me, its breathtaking and sensational and worth it. Kashmir is another high point to visit Pakistan, as one does not need any visa to enter into Azad Kashmir from Pakistan. What one needs is a wish and determination to experience it and it will be one of the best experience of one life. 

[Disclaimer : Please do plan your journey in advance and one should know where to go before hand and don't ask me why cos if you ask either you don't watch news or you want my phone number]

4) Charity: 

                Yes it is true Pakistanis are not the most keen people on the face of the earth to pay their taxes. Most probably Pakistanis are in top 5 Tax evaders in the world. However, Pakistanis most certainly are one of the biggest charity giving nation in the world. Shokat Khanum and Edhi Foundation are two really successful examples of many existing organizations serving Pakistanis. These Organizations operate on the simple principle of 'The organizations of Pakistanis, by Pakistanis, for Pakistanis'. 

                  Shokat Khanum needs no introduction. A really unique concept in the world still operating and treating most of its cancer and other patients for free. Similarly, Edhi Foundation has been successfully supported by the nation for a long time. Abdul Sattar Edhi recently stated "We only take donations from Pakistan. Pakistanis give wholeheartedly. They give tens of thousands and they even don't take a receipt. They just walk in and give, this is a good country. It is just run by bad people".

                  Along with many other reasons why Pakistanis do not give taxes, most important is, if they know tax money will be spent on them instead of going into some politicians bank account, most probably many more Pakistanis will pay tax. 

5) Sense of Humor :      

                    My top reason is Sense of humor. Pakistanis are living nation (at least till the last updates) and they can laugh on themselves. Samajh tu Aap gaye hi hun gey. 

[Discalimer:   No individual of Pakistani Diaspora is harmed or injured during completion of this article.

                      The writer has written this blog after getting drunk with 'desi-daru', like most of other so-called desi intellectuals and if you do not agree with him then please ignore this article by considering it a 'Conspiracy Theory'] 

Conspiracy Theory © Nukt@ Shah 2012.